Lately things have not been where I want them to be. I know where I want them but I just can’t seem to get everything in to place. I have blinders on and can only see what’s right in front. My mind is full of everything that I think I should be doing but I have no path to get anywhere.
There in that moment I feel all the stress, all the weight on my shoulders and I am living life in a feeling of complete and utter overwhelm. In this state I get nothing done. I think I am doing things but it’s never to my greatest potential. I have the feeling that any second I could have a meltdown and lose it. My brain is scattered and messy and I just want to cry and scream. This is NOT how we are suppose to live. But many times we do.
We get in these spots and forget to breathe, take it slow and regroup to position ourselves back on the path we were wanting to take.
After many months going on like this I was done. With all the things we have had going on and all the hard valleys and hard mountains to climb, that were happening in life, I had to just keep my head down to try to get it all done. There was no real action and no real plan and I was not following through with anything I have learned. I was just surviving, barely. I was losing my real potential and my focus was off and I was losing all my goals.
On top of the overwhelm I was sick again twice in a month. I knew I needed to slow down.
One night my husband could see me falling a part and said go take a bath. I reluctantly did it knowing I needed to close off my growing to do list but wanting to try to fulfill everything. I felt my pride trying to take over. My stubbornness. No I can do this. I’m strong I tell myself. I can do it. But in reality I can’t! Don’t let your pride win. We are not super women or men.
That night I lay in the tub with quiet all around me and I closed my eyes and released everything. I prayed God I have tried being so strong and I am nothing with out you. I can’t do all this alone. In those quiet moments is when you hear His peace. It’s when we can just let it all go.
I was trying to fall back in my old ways and I wanted to feel like my purpose was just doing, doing, doing and if I don’t do enough I will never get to where I want to be. But you see if we let the noise of a busy life in all the time, we will never get to fulfill our full potential. We will always feel never good enough. This is a lie we are led to believe and the world tells us this is how we should be but I disagree. I believe we need to choose moments to just sit and feel the peace, breathe in the quiet, pray. Throw the to-do list out the window. There is always, always a to-do list. Use those moments to re -focus and calm the busy mind.
~Be the Light~