All the things I want and all the things I need. It gets so complicated sometimes.
It’s been a few weeks since I wrote and I can tell. I have all these words going through my head but have done nothing with them and they just get lost if I forget to write them down. So today I may ramble since I have so much that has built up. Hey I am sure I ramble most of the time anyway 😉
Things have been crazy busy lately. I just can’t gain ground no matter how hard I try to stay together and organized. I’m still in that season. It’s a time where I just buckle down, keep on doing what I am doing and get what needs to be done at this time. All the things I think that I need or want get pushed to the side.
I know its ok for now but I don’t want it to stay that way. I won’t let it. There are too many big ideas and goals in my head that need to come out but I need to focus on whats most important and sometimes it’s not exactly what I thought it should be.
What is most important to me is my faith, my marriage and my kids. All three of these are why I get through each day good or bad. Why I work so hard, why I strive to be a better person.
The lines get blurred when I want to do things for me that would benefit my family and I get lost inside all the chaos of it all.
How do I know how to calm things down and not let the busyness part of life take me over?
I feel like that hamster on it’s wheel sometimes. I think I’m almost there but then I’m right back where I started. I need to fight through it. I want to fight through it. It’s a struggle. I know so many of the right things to do and how to do them but I can’t seem to do them. I keep learning and wanting more but it’s not working. It all just seems overwhelming and I am trying to swim up for air. I can make it through but I am feel the weight of it all.
I am hard on myself. I am striving for a better life for us. I know there is a better way and that I can do better. All these obstacles thrown my way, I will get through it. It just means I have more growing to do. I am not ready to be where I want to be. So I need to be where I am at right now and that is ok. I don’t want to be selfish but I want to take care of me too.
Sometimes it’s all just hard and I need to lay down and close my eyes. I will not let the darkness win. Oh that nasty devil he tries. He knows my weakness. But God knows my power and that is what keeps me going!! I can do this. I am strong. I am made for so much more. That is how I keep going. That is how I know this season shall pass. When I get through to the other side, I know the feeling of excitement for what’s in store. It’s all a struggle sometimes and then sometimes it’s beautiful chaos. I am searching and looking and keeping my eyes open seeking to see the little bits of light as I stumble through it all. This life it’s worth so much more than we even know.
~Be the Light~