The war inside my mind: Can I still be a good mom, a good wife, a good person and follow after my dreams?
Can I still do all things I did before and start a career?Can I run my own business?Can I be just me sometimes?
Can I do it?
Am I capable?
What will I lose?
Am I good enough?
Is it ok?
Am I being selfish?
The guilt. The fight. The self esteem. Not feeling good enough. The mind tells me horrible things about myself. It says I am not a good mom if I choose to put myself first sometimes. I love being a mom. It was what I chose to do. I chose to do mommy hood over a career. But now the kids are getting older, I have lost myself in the mommy career and now I am seeking to follow some dreams. I want to be able to do all things that I have wanted to do. I want to live out things that I have let go all these years.
The big question is who is holding who back?
I get lost in this struggle as I fight to be a work from home, stay at home mom. It is a constant war of good and bad and what is right and what should I do.I think as moms(and even dads) we will always fight with this struggle in our minds. The guilt will always be in the back of our mind, but don’t let it win. Guilt is not from God.
We have dreams and desires put on our hearts for a reason.Seek after that dream, pray and you will know when it is right. My heart speaks the loudest over my mind.
Sometimes its not the right timing but that does not mean you can not go in the direction of that dream and desire for when the right time happens to appear. Keep on learning, keep on fighting for it, use the time for learning and growing in all your areas of life that you are seeking to be more, to be better.
But then Sometimes it is at the most inopportune times or what feels like its not the right time and it actually is a blessing in disguise and you are being groomed so you can soar.
Remember this the next time that stupid guilt tries to win- We are worth our dreams!
~Be the Light~