I have a confession to make. Sometimes I want to run away and I don’t want to do this life anymore. No more being Mom, no more being Wife and no more anything. There comes those weeks where the only thing that sounds good is simply running away and just throwing in the towel! It sounds like the best idea I have had in a long time. It is not that anything is really horribly going wrong, it’s just simply the feeling of I don’t want to do it anymore.
I don’t want to clean the same messes day in and day out, think of what should I make for dinner, cook, budget, pay bills, laundry, exercise, lose weight, watch what food I am eating, break up the kids arguing, shower, get dressed, wash my hair, put on my makeup, school, teach, learn, be loving, reach out, be friendly, believe in something so much when you don’t know how to share it and feel like it falls on deaf ears, work so hard but feel like you are spinning your wheels, and simply just not wanting to show up to the Day. I just don’t want to do it anymore. I am DONE! There comes a time that the idea of throwing everything away and no longer doing it sounds delightful.
BUT then I remember, that is not realistic no matter how good it may sound at that time. It might be good for a short time but I would miss my life. I would miss my husband even though he makes me want to scream sometimes, I would miss my kids even though their messes and sibling tiffs drive me bonkers, I would miss my messy house because that meant we lived fully in it. I would miss my daily routines because the schedule keeps me organized. And most of all, I would miss the feeling waking up and know that I am fully alive and living and breathing with 2 legs, 2 arms and a body that is fully functioning and that I get to choose to live this life. I would miss knowing that I am making a difference in my kids life because I get to be their mother and teach them all the things that I would change and teach them to learn even more and to find their dreams and desires in their hearts. I would miss realizing that I could be someone who might make someones life a little better that day because they saw me living life. By giving up, I would miss all those things that make me, ME.
So it comes down to that it is really ok to have bad days or even maybe some bad weeks where all you can do is just get by. Everything seems so hard and the best idea sounds like the one where you don’t have to do anything anymore.
With times like this I have started to focus on my dreams and passions and think what is it that I really want that is giving me the feelings of running away. Why am I frustrated? Journaling has been a huge help in this area. I write all my anger and frustrations down and then I write all my dreams and things I want to accomplish but can’t seem to get there. What is holding me back? Usually it is my own mind getting in my way. The question I ask is Why am here? What is the reason for why I do what I do? I do this and I wake back up to reality and I do another day because I get to choose to. And I know why I keep going everyday no matter what.
Dreaming makes life better. We were meant to think beyond our simple thoughts and dream wild. Do the impossible! Live loud, Live Free!
~Be the Light for all to See~