My husband- I love him, that does not mean I always like him.
Not very long ago we wondered if it was worth it to keep trying to make it work. We thought maybe it’s just easier to give up. I felt in my heart that we were ready to be throwing it all away and let my mind say it was going to be ok if it happened. This thing called marriage and relationship is not for the faint of heart. It’s tough. It’s downright painful sometimes.
But it’s also downright amazing too.
What if we tried so long and then one day we find out we are just strangers? My goal is for that not to happen but it does happen. What if we forgot to share with each other our hearts desires and cheered each other on? What if we lost ourselves because we thought we were supposed to always be the same and always want the same thing?
I could ask that question a million times.
What if for a lot of things?
We have been together since such a young age. Through these years that we have grown up together, in some ways we have turned into different people than we were when we met in school. Sometimes that growing up is for the good and sometimes its not the greatest. We both have different wants and desires. We also have some of the same wants and desires.
The thing is if we both liked everything that each other did or said or tried to be alike, we probably would not last very long. It’s healthy to be different from each other. It is healthy to have a little conflict and disagree. The best part of it is that we recognize it and we can communicate it. We don’t try and hide it. Getting it all out there that we sometimes want different paths is simply real and it is healthy and it is ok.
Some of what attracted me in the first place was he was different then me and I knew it. When I first saw him and got to know him, I loved his playful attitude and contagious laughter. He was fun and exciting and I could see determination in him. I loved his bold attitude and how he said what he thought because I was always so scared to. I knew he was the man I would marry someday. He made me feel safe and excited about living.
But it’s easy to lose sight and get exhausted and the fight of life seems like it is better to just not deal any more. The things I loved in the beginning were some of the same things that started to drive me crazy after all these years.
We don’t always want to the same things or have the same goals. We are individuals though and it’s ok to be different. It’s ok to have different likes. That does not mean I like everything he does and vice versa, but we try. We sacrifice. We try to see each others opinion. We try, Simple as that. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t and sometimes we get angry. Sometimes we are downright mean and hurtful to each other. Sometimes we are selfish. Sometimes we are good at playing the victim. And then sometimes we love so deeply that we find the meaning of why we try so hard. How would we know our hearts if we never really expressed it?
I believe we should have our own dreams and I believe we will do things that we don’t always agree on. I love that he has things in his heart, that his dreams are different than mine sometimes. I support him and I hope that he wants to support me. That is how we sacrifice. We can still be one but be our self and not lose our goals and our purpose and the longing in our hearts for more in this life.
It is amazing when you both find something you enjoy and can do together. It can create a strong bond and your relationship can thrive. But its also amazing when I see he has something that he loves with all his heart and I may not enjoy it as much as he does but I see the sparkle in eye that shines through and that makes me happy. I am happy he is living his dreams.
We do love each other but we don’t always like each other. And I am ok with that.
I will sacrifice for my love and I will kick and scream and fight for it because I want my love to keep on and to stay and to cherish our love to make it all worth it.
I will always love him all the time. My heart beats for this man – Always.
~Be the Light for all to See~