Down below is a link to a new website I have found through some of the health blogs I follow. I am loving what she has to say. I have tried so many diets and fitness programs only to find that moderation is key. When I stop telling myself I can’t have certain foods the less I crave those foods and I start wanting what my body is really asking for. I have lost and gained plus 10 the same weight over the years only to find myself in search of the next quick fix.
I have looked back over old pictures where I thought I was disgusting and fat and think well if only I was that weight again, “What was I thinking”?
Here I am after working out many hours a day and per week and eating a low amount of calories to try and be small like I was before kids. (note to self not possible no matter how hard I have tried) My body is not even the same after having children as it was in high school. I had lost close to 40lbs here. I actually was not happy here because I wanted to try and lose 30 more lbs but as I look back at pictures of all this weight I had lost I see the sickness in my face and I look tired. It never seemed to be enough.
I was very unhappy with myself in this picture. I like to try and hide part of me. I had put on about 20 lbs from losing a lot of weight just because I couldn’t stand the small amount of calories I was eating with the many hours a day and week I was working out. It was not sustainable. So I started eating more calories again and instantly put weight back on.
Here Is a more recent picture where I was unhappy because I had put on even more weight. I had decided to stop weighing myself so I am not sure what I weighed. Later as I looked at this picture, instead of hating myself I chose to be thankful because here I was ziplining in Belize with my oldest son, who has type 1 diabetes. I was proud I was strong and capable to be able to take part in these activities and that my son and I were able to have this amazing experience. I decided it was time to change my perspective. I was not the weight I thought I needed to be but I loved the parts of me that I could. Strong arms that can hold my children, strong muscles that let me do fun things like ziplining, my eyes and my smile. These are what I slowly had to list that I liked about myself. It was and still is a slow, long process because old habits come back and I want to pick everything I see wrong and I get upset because I want to be thin.
As I look at these pictures of myself I don’t see why I thought I was so fat. Yeah of course I am not a bikini model but I looked beautiful and my kids think I am beautiful and my husband thinks I am beautiful so that is what should matter. Why are we so hard on ourselves. We have this image of what we think we are supposed to look like and I think it just sucks so much out of lives we should be living instead of focusing on all the miserable.
This is not a get thin quick gimmick, it takes time to love yourself and realize its ok that there are a few rolls or stretch marks etc here and there. We are not made to have perfect bodies and be airbrushed. It is just not possible no matter how hard we try to do it.
It starts with loving and accepting who you are. It is knowing that you are worth it and then the rest slowly starts to fall into place.