I am insecure and I am ok with that.
For a long time I took it as a a negative set back but as I am getting older and as I like to think, a bit wiser, I am taking it as something to learn and grow from. Being insecure you question yourself a lot and wonder if what you say is dumb or is a friend really a friend. You question if you really have any friends and your mind tells you are never good enough.
I have to look at this and dissect why I think so poorly of myself. I look at this trait and think I can fight this and I can grow from this. I have to choose this mindset but I do it every morning and its made me stronger. To say everyday “Hey you, you are good enough” saying this everyday gets set in your mind and you can change your negative to a positive.
We all can have some insecurities but some of us just fight it better than others. I always wanted to be that confident, beautiful person everyone wanted to hang out with but I wasn’t. I started to hate myself for that. I would feed into the negativity my mind was telling me, then it just seemed to go down from there. Such negativity can bring such depression its no wonder people become so sad and feel life is worthless.
I am taking my insecurities and choosing to shove it in the garbage. It still tries to rear its ugly little head out every once in awhile but for the most part I have dealt with that part of me and I am better for it.
I often wondered what made me so insecure. I like to blame things of my past or maybe it was in middle school when the whole 7th and 8th grade hated me and I had no friends so I would hide in the teachers room to eat lunch but then I think its also a trait you get as a young child. I’m sure some of that middle school garbage and other things in my life helped form it but it was planted at a young age. Its a part of my personality I was born with and life events formed it to what it is today.
I have three children. My two boys have many of my traits – shy, timid, self- conscious but my daughter she is the complete opposite.
She talks to whoever will listen and is a friend to all. She’s full of life and bubbly which I so love but then she blurts things out to tell everyone about what is going on that its almost to a point that I get embarrassed but I would not change a thing about any of my kids.
They all three came from me and I love them quirks and all. My daughters confidence has helped us in so many ways and it teaches us to be free and just to smile.
That’s all we want to see is joy in another humans life. You feed off of that. You cant help but smile when you see another smile. Its contagious.
I will always build my kids up and help them know they are good enough and they can do anything they set their mind to. They are respectful, honest and trustworthy.
Having an image that you see yourself as being below someone else can make you not want to venture out and do things but by building your confidence and trying new things you feel better about yourself. That is what I want to teach my kids.
My kids give me confidence. They love me even if when I think that no one else does. And for that I am thankful and I am blessed.
For them I am a stronger mama and I deserve this life.
~Be the Light for all to See~