Decision making

DSC_0142I am unsure of myself a lot! Anyone ever feel like you can fight your mind over and over trying to make good decisions? I do this all the time. I make up my mind then second guess myself. But I can say I have a handful of really good decisions where I have not second guessed. And most of the time after thinking and tossing and turning at night they were the right choice. I think a big part of it is also wondering what people will think. Like the questions of why did you choose to homeschool Hunter? I have a bit of fear like I need to always have a response for it but all I really need to say is “We felt like it was what we were suppose to do.”
And that’ s the truth.  It felt right in my heart, my mind and it was agreed by us as a family and that’s what matters.

We decided to home school hunter this year. It was last minute before the school year had started and it was a huge decision, for me anyway. He is an 8th grader and after weighing options it felt like the best choice for us. I had many troubled nights of sleep over this decision though. I had tried to home school when he was in 1st grade and it was miserable. We lasted about 6months then I put him back in school.  I was pretty depressed, pregnant with our 3rd child, I hated my life and having him home to see my depression really didn’t help and we pretty much got no where in school. So I am not sure if those 6months messed up his learning for later on but he has never been good at math and always struggles just being at school. So after the diagnosis of his diabetes last year and struggling through the school year we put it on the discussion table of homeschooling or not.  I had a really hard time with it because well pretty much, I was scared. I also get pretty down in the winters. The dark and cold can have a real effect on me and I don’t want it to bring my kids down. After living here many years and a much happier time in my life I really can get through winter without it bothering me so much. But I ask this question can my kids handle being with me everyday, day in and out and vice versa, can I handle them?

There is some pretty neat options here in Alaska and we found a distant learning school that lets us teach from home and have the homeschool flexibility but its also part of the district so he can take part in classes and do school sports if he chooses and he still gets to be social. So we chose this option and after getting some things ironed out we absolutely LOVE it.  There are many more options to choose and I know where he is struggling school work wise and working for our business from home makes home school just so much better. Also the fact that he is pretty independent being in 8th grade and all.

Now comes my next decision to decide to homeschool my other 2.  I really want to but I am not sure I trust myself enough to get through it. I was thinking I would do my middle boy next year starting in 6th grade but we have been talking to start them next semester instead and I am so not sure. This is another huge decision. I have been praying and having some sleepless nights. I know its what I really want to do but a little unsure its something I CAN do. With life crazy busy , will it be a burden instead something helpful?  I don’t know. I do know its seems without the schedule of a school day with drop offs and pick ups,  homework after they have been in school for 7 hours, volunteering in their classrooms, rushing through homework and dinner so we can do a night activity that with homeschool I could already have done, and worrying who will pick up my kids from school because I am not close by in town or have to head to Anchorage or something would be relieved by home schooling. On the other hand I question my ability to be able to teach them on top of everything else I do. One child is easy but three? And here comes the thoughts above can we all handle each other this much?  And again how will I answer all the questions- “Why do you homeschool? you homeschool?” Me and my fear minded brain.

In September when my 11 year old broke his foot and had to have surgery, he was home from school for a month and so I pretty much taught him myself. I actually really enjoyed having my 2 boys home and they helped each other with their work. It was nice but am I blinded by just a month of this? what about year after year? I am talking to some home school moms and they say more is actually easier because they help each other and then having the older one makes it nice too because if I need to run somewhere without kids he can watch them.

This has been my journey of decision making going on in our life. I am striving to make life slowed down, peaceful, and enjoying each other instead of the so called American Dream of rush, rush, rush, keep your life so busy you can’t even enjoy each others company.  I did choose to have  a family to enjoy our time and down time and being with each other.

I guess that’s why home school sounds so appealing for all my kids. It makes life simple again. I can teach my kids. I can play games with them. I can teach them to chefs, and to be independent. And most important, its on our time!

I feel like my family needs some changes and mine is on that brink to make some big decisions. We already in the last 2 years have made some big dreams come true. Life is about growing, loving and building each other up. And Following your dreams!

Anyone else struggling with some big choices in life? Are you following your dreams? What is your top priority?


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